Try this.
 Seriously, today try saying no to someone who is asking you yet again to do something that you have no interest in. Doesn’t have to be rude. Just say no. Firmly. No explanation is needed and you don’t owe anyone that.

 

I have exercised the use of this word the last couple of weeks. Or more honestly I have stopped being complacent in social interactions and then being miffed when I’m stuck with an unwanted task or have to suffer through some awful conversation. Basic concept, saying no. But let’s be real IT IS REALLY HARD and we are taught not to say it if we can actually do the thing that is being asked, albeit subliminally. But whew! LET.ME.TELL.YOU!!! Saying no is a straight up game changer. Conversations end quicker, you can block his number faster, and you are able to get back to enjoying a night in with wine and your fav show.

 

How does no give me all this? You ask, askingly. Because it is powerful and simple and quite frankly puts up one helluva wall between you and the other person. It puts their bullshit back in their court and you get to watch them flounder. You aren’t rejecting them you are simply denying them access to you at a given time based on the conditions of their need. BUT HOLY SHIT can people not extricate themselves and the word no from each other. “Can I see your tits?” NO “I knew you weren’t into me” welp, that sounds like a you problem “OMG, can you believe what he did? We HAVE to talk about it” Yes I can, and no we don’t “wow! you don’t even care about my problems”

                                                                                  

 

I SAID NO….I didn’t say anything about not liking you or not caring about your other problems. I just don’t owe you my comfort or peace. PERIOD. It is very ok to value your own time and how you spend it. Ramping up on the no front has been cathartic. From my Mom to dating– ya’ll getting these here no’s when and where I feel like it is appropriate. It isn’t my job to compromise so that you feel comfortable in whatever terms you dictate no matter the cost to me. TAKE THIS NO AND THE HANDS IF YOU GOT QUESTIONS.

 

Jokes aside, be very wary of those who do not respect your right to disengage, decline and otherwise leave a situation. YOUR NEEDS ARE NEVER LESS IMPORTANT THAN SOMEONES WANTS, OK? Write that some where and revisit it often until it is second nature. It doesn’t HAVE to be someone that you are romantically involved with. It is any person whom you have voiced it to and they have swatted it aside. Yes parents. Yes best friends. ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY that random fuck on the bus/train/tube/subway/etc. If they get in their feelings? That’s a them problem.  If they get to stuttering and accusing please remind them

                                     
This has been a PSA from the Trill Network,
❤️ Lily
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The last few weeks I keep running into the same message: “keep creating, keep going, keep trying”. Nothing is significant about the phrase except that it is continuously framed with the question “Am I good enough?” This question constantly plagues me and has been quite an obstacle and a deterrent to my dreams and progress. However, I think it is normal (especially in a creative space) to have that small voice nagging at you sometimes. Creative works are so unique because there is no set of rules or regulations you have to adhere to. It is based on how far can your mind take you. But I get railroaded by that voice…when I feel like I’m starting to want to really soar– “who even reads this? what good are you doing or offering to anyone? this is a waste of time!” An annoying mantra that bangs around in my head like a street dance number in a Broadway play so often lately.

But then it appears again KEEP DOING. And again, CREATE REGARDLESS. MOVE FORWARD. FAIL, IT’S OK. And it continues to resonate with me louder and louder to just keep creating no matter how good or bad you think it is because while you create that voice doesn’t have time to bitch. You can’t get pushed off course when you’re barreling full speed ahead, as best you can. Failing is totally ok but as a creator failure is hard to define because it is such a personal experience for each of us. To that end, coping with and using the term “creator” is nerve-wracking for me. Because I am sometimes so embroiled in the “well can I be x,y or z, if I’m not putting out perfect stuff and competing tit for tat with the mega bloggers/creators/et al?” YES I CAN BE THAT but ONLY if I actively work to become that. You hear me? We can be whatever we want as long as we are working towards that goal. I can’t be a blogger, creator, CEO, influencer….without trying. I 100% am not going to be known as any of those things if I am not putting out content that I love and really flexing my muscles as much as I can.

Admittedly though, many days are a struggle. Full time job, school, trying to research and make connections to find a better profession or certification that will get me there, can really leave me drained. So I am making an effort to invest some time into learning how to keep up a reserve tank for my own wants and needs. I want the same energy that is expected of me at some baby boomers company to line their pockets for myself. I’m also open to suggestions about what may work for you or what you have found that definitely does not work because that is extremely valuable to me as well. I’m aspiring to be more “bout it” in my creative realm as I am in my professional and personal ones.

So here’s to continually trying, without boundaries or worries!  Make sure you have yourself a couple of glasses of water, a couple of minutes away from the information highway and I will see you later ❤️

Take care fam,
Lily
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You always want to put the best face forward. At least that is something that I have always been told….”fix your makeup, hide the crazy, people are watching you” Miranda Lambert’s “Mama’s Broken Heart” comes to mind often when things go awry. I will attribute that conditioning to the region in which I grew up. Picture it- rural southern US upbringing, with a gentle hearted, phalanderin’, Daddy and a straight backed put up or shut up Momma who ain’t give a shit about your feelings and taught you exactly how amazing you are. Slap me somewhere in there. This here preface seems maybe a bit unnecessary, nostalgic or heehaw fairytale but shut up and give it a minute. Ya gotta know this to understand what comes next.

Don’t ever assume because you can’t see something…produce tangible evidence of its physical existence… it isn’t there. Lacerations, orbital fractures, and busted noses get the point across without any questions. Walk out upright, on your own, bereft of emergency services and you find out that somehow it is your fault for what has transpired against you. Your own parent will twist that knife for you. At least mine did.

Love is only as strong as the person receiving it.

Two years and seven months, culminated into fifteen minutes at 4am on a Wednesday morning, the last day of February 2018. When asked what in life changes you, people say a number of things: child birth, marriage, buying a home…. But I’d personally like to move for having the end of your life detailed to you by someone who moments before were telling you they wanted to marry you. That will change you. Having someone tell you “I will fucking kill you…cut your fuckin face off- do you know who I am?!” or how they have a few friends who can “make you disappear”. Law enforcement won’t help because “he hasn’t done anything yet”. And then you make the decision that you will walk out of this situation no matter what it takes. Save yourself.

Think Twice Act Once

4:05 AM this ends now.

4:07 AM see you on the other side come hell or high water- no matter what I’ll see me on the other side.

4:12 AM his surprise has turned into fear and confusion

4:13 AM you feel the heat of your own rage playing first chair to your voice that now emanates from you as though God herself is amplifying your existence as you issue the single deadliest promise of your life.

4:15…silence penetrates the air as you wait for whatever comes next

It never does. That next thing. It never will come. Because no one puts Baby in the fuckin corner. Ever. Cuz the funny thing about love is that nothing can overcome it.. accept the will to live. No one loves anything more than their unalienable right to exist.

Not everyone has the same heart as you

Why didn’t I see this coming? Weren’t there signs? Sure, maybe there were. I won’t argue that with you. With that in mind though, let’s revisit my upbringing. I am not the first, nor will I be the last, woman to have been taught and shown that you work shit out. Keep your business YOUR BUSINESS and work it out. You don’t quit on people or relationships. You made this bed now lie in it. Do more. Try harder. Cook. Clean. Are you building them up? Have you tried talking about it? Lose some weight. This sounds like your fault, I know how you can be. At first it made sense. I am lacking somewhere. It must be true, my mother is seeing this in me. I am not doing enough to make this situation and lifestyle as good as it could be. False connections are made and hyper sensitivity set in. Introspection became self criticism and sadness. I would’ve done anything to improve this whilst the other player never had any intention of doing anything outside of under perform. I want to succeed and grow. Prospering comes in a multi faceted stone attainable by us all. But know that the gold of your heart can inspire both admiration and jealousy. The more I opened myself the more disappointed I became. I was trying to love, care, provide, away poor personal makeup.

Little did I know that what I saw and how I absorbed at home is only different from this man in one way- content of the lesson.

More of you will never be enough if it was never valued to begin with

What is bred into someone, nurtured, neglected…it will always exist. No matter what language you learn to convey the idea, the simple construct of unconditional expression of care, it won’t be received by someone who has no ability to receive it. Giving of myself to the point of emotional bankruptcy, poor health (mental and otherwise) is never worth it. Not because it carries no value but because I cannot force someone else to value me the way I value me. That is where I erred and I implore you to learn from me and side step it. Set your price. Set it high. Non negotiable. We increase in worth please know you are worth so much and will only become more precious with time. Is what I would’ve said to myself if I had known. Love is wonderful until it requires improvement to continue.

The grass is always going to be greener under me

I am a complete person. I was the day I was born. I will runneth over when the sun sets on my time here. I will never again live my life in an apologetic cadence to create comfort for others.. My heights and my depths are my own and at no point is anyone entitled to access to either. I will cry more. I will be apprehensive of newer relationships. I will commit to letting fear teach me. My promise to myself is to continue becoming fluent in the beautiful love language that is myself. My soul is endless and my ability boundless. I never fell out of love with me and fighting for it was the price to remember.

This is the confession of a woman who fought back.

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I have been extremely ghost lately and I’m sorry! My life decided to happen all at once and some of those things I’m excited to share. Others? Well…I am transparent and will be sharing those bits as well because it is important. If to no one else but me. This platform is cathartic for me and I have realized that over the last few weeks being forcibly removed from this space by the universe. I’m moulting and this time it is big. Bear with me. Pray for me. Stay connected to me. I’ll need it.

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The Trill Lily (TTL) was nominated by the humorous Oddball Content. This is my first Sunshine Blogger Award nomination! Thank you for the support and for noticing me!

The award is created by bloggers, for bloggers to encourage a sense of community and support. When nominated you have to answer eleven questions and come up with eleven of your own to send to eleven other inspirational bloggers.

My answers

How long have you been blogging?

On and off for awhile. But officially started fall of 2017.

What is your favorite genre of book?

Historical fiction, high fantasy, and psychological thrillers- it’s a draw for me

Do you have a favorite adaptation? Least favorite?

I’ve enjoyed the various recreations of Les Mis. But I shy away from “based on the novel” films.

How much time do you regularly spend on your blog?

Not as much as I feel that I should. Work full time, in school…I am working on it though! I’m engaging as much as possible on different platforms though so, baby steps, yeah?

Who would be your dream interview for your blog?

Tracee Ellis Ross or Pharrell Williams

What do you do when you hit a writing block or post-slump?

Yikes, this is a speed bump for me that I am still learning to get over. I write for a living as well so I’m often burning both ends of the candle. But I really try to let the feeling take its course and come back when I am ready. Much rather wait and put out something good then force it and turn out shit work.

Do you have pets? How many and what kinds?

Not yet. I have my heart set on a Great Pyrenees pup.

Do you have anyone that assists with your blog?

One woman show for the foreseeable future.

Do you have any interest in one day writing a novel?

Maybe.

If you could visit anywhere in the world without money being an obstacle, where would you go?

The Wonders of World, or at least where they were and see the newest ones. I’d make sure to take numerous photos because I would love to pen a series to their existence.

Last one is not really a question. Tell me something interesting about yourself.

I flew a plane before I was legally allowed to drive a car.

Questions for my nominees

  1. What tends to stop you from pursuing your dreams?
  2. Which awesome/positive aspect of yourself do you wish you would have noticed sooner?
  3. Are you results oriented or do you enjoy the process of a task more?
  4. The one song that can stop you in your tracks and transport you to another time and place?
  5. Food- which do you prefer: designer food (small plates, complex taste profiles), savory comfort items, or?
  6. How would you describe your fashion style?
  7. The cringiest moment you’ve ever had that you still think about and makes you cringe all over again?
  8. What does love mean to you?
  9. Least and most favorite trends?
  10. Favorite movie (or show) and book?
  11. Do you eat pizza with your hands or utensils?

My nominees

  1. Wendy My Organic Life Journey
  2. Ashley Hiya It’s Ashley
  3. Robert  The Non-alcoholic Student
  4. Chynna The Invisible Child
  5. Danielle Effortlessly Confident
  6. Carly All The Gloss
  7. Faith and Lucas Red Lips and Rose
  8. Jen What Jen Did Next
  9. Lyra Madrona
  10. Paige Paige’s Pugmark
  11. Hannah HLD
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You read that right! My waistline stunted on me unexpectedly this morning from the depths of gnarly bloat and overall diet debauchery. An overall shocker for me because over the last two years (suspiciously coinciding with when I started my current job) my ability to maintain a low weight has been completely destroyed ?. Paired with low energy and frequent “burn out” from working things have been a lumpy, savory, slope.

I can admit that at a few points over the last couple years emotional eating has been a coping mechanism. You do what you can to make it to tomorrow, right? I take responsibility that it has been a mental thing and I am investing time and money to make sure medically I am not up against something else (hypothyroidism, I’ll update you guys when I know). Not good and not feeling good enough. Yep, I didn’t feel good enough to work out. Not that I was physically ill, but that I didn’t deserve to go through a process to better myself physically. I failed because I let myself get here (the goose down pillow that I was seeing in the mirror) and I deserved that. I still struggle with it but I can identify the feeling and the signs of my impending resistance and work around them. I have been known to force myself into the gym by taking my pre-workout. Some of you are laughing now because you understand how weirdly effective that method is and for those who have never taken it….you DO NOT want to sit idly whilst pre-workout courses through your system. Imagine having to sit still during your absolute favorite song- no singing, dancing, foot tapping, NOTHING. Boom, you now know what it feels like to be on the preworkout crazy train.

                                                           BUT

Today I am having myself a genuine smile and private dance party because ya know what? It isn’t that bad. I started going to the gym in November-ish and was able to lose ten pounds by Christmas. I was afraid since I had fallen off the wagon the weight would come after me like Ray Donovan. I could feel my tracker staring holes into my skull for not firing it up and hitting all of its, what can only be called sadistic, goals faithfully. I haven’t been a slave to fitness and unrealistic goals. And I have said all this to say that fitness isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. There are a lot of holes in the process. The biggest one? Knowing that your brain chemicals are just as important as your metabolic ones.

Unball your fist, I am not saying “mind over matter” I am saying something completely different all together. Your mind can CAUSE the matter. We are souls with bodies. A little bit of universe contained in human form for just a little bit. There is so much more to us than macros, bulking, or that perfect lotus position. Your personal stars have to be aligned as much as the ones in the heavens to hit that potential. But the mechanics of that are unique to you. I am guilty of putting forth immense amounts of energy towards external, environmental, factors without any regard to how I am processing and handling it. Because usually, I’m not. At least not in an effective way. Which in turn has led me to internalize, bottle up, beat myself up. Those neglectful acts reflecting in my choices to not care for me.

Fast forward to this morning, to my waist awakening. I’ve been happier lately and more comfortable in my skin after a period of reclusivity. I dealt with things and dumped the ones that no longer served me in a reciprocative and positive manner. I also let my emotions flow how they have to because damming them up causes some SERIOUS bad juju for me. Hocus pocus or not, my body is in a positive flux of response. Clearer skin, less digestive upset, increased daily endurance, mental clarity. For me, that kicks ass and speaks volumes.

Eat good. Treat yourself as good you did that ex who didn’t ever deserve you. Be well.

❤️,

Lily

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In no particular order and short term:

– Find a new stylist
– Start a new read (recommendations always welcome)
– Get at least a chapter and a half ahead in my most difficult course
– get more QUALITY sleep
– *disengage from those succubi in my life that only hit me up when they need something
*none of that namby pamby, slow burn either. Promptly drop off the face of this spinning rock.

– Work on my projects and interests wholeheartedly. And even if they never come to light, write them down. Record it. It’s birth may just be premature

– Immediately stop asking people for their opinion on what I do in such a way that I let it impact my outcomes

– Drink more water and work on my core- 10 more pounds down.

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I don’t know about you, but I always do my best thinking while I drive or in the shower. Today, it was driving down the road. Not that anything unusual had happened and I think that is what sparked my growing plan. I see the same people, different faces all over my city. At bus stops, street corners, on the stoops of unoccupied buildings, all with one thing in common – homelessness. It isn’t new and it isn’t my first time seeing it. But today for whatever divine reason my eyes had a different lens. There are certain things people should never have to worry about regardless of how they identify- basic necessities. A close friend of mine is the guiding light for me with this vein of thinking. She has created something so pure and beautiful and positive in her new city and it has been inspiring to watch. But also she has lit a fire under my ass to be about what it is I believe and have an active role in promoting that which I have a strong voice to advocate for. (Details to her nonprofit are below).

This is only a budding idea but I know unless I write it down and hang it up so to speak, it may get put on the shelf. This gives me accountability for at least pursuing information and talking with those that I know can point me in the right direction. For now that direction taking me through the motions of what it means and takes to become a nonprofit organization.

I have passion for a lot of things in life. But none as great as the love and draw that I feel for and from healthcare. Specifically mental health and women’s (repro) health. This is not just an update about where I am at and what I’m thinking. But also a call to those who are actively volunteering and/or presiding over a nonprofit of some sort. I’m open to help, suggestions, collaborations, and lending a strong back to your cause!  Please don’t hesitate to comment, email, tweet, etc, your passion project/favorite cause. I’m all ears and open heart!

**As mentioned please check out LB and the Austin, Texas Homeless Period Project on instagram http://Www.instagram.com/hppatx

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I am so excited that the end (and beginning) are in sight! My first go in college was a complicated time for me. The support system I needed just wasn’t there. Between a lack of true guidance and a perpetually hungry bank account, it was a struggle.

But in the years since I walked across the stage (yeah, I made it despite the nonsense)  I have made some great strides forward to meet my own needs. It is hard to explain how it feels to be able to fully support yourself, by yourself. But it has given me a renewed confidence in myself academically, that which I lost somewhere along the way. I know what I want to do (mostly) and where I am headed (generally).

So I am speaking it into existence- this time next year, 2019, I will be in the last semester of my 2nd bachelors and 3rd overall degree, 3.6GPA, I will be a homeowner, and I will have returned to Europe for a second time and the tropics for a third. And I will start an advanced standing Masters degree program and I will be heavily investing in my own dreams.

All that said, I know I will have to change my frequency to attain these goals and excel this semester and beyond. That means a cleansing of friends, activities, and actions that aren’t good for me or my dreams. Not saying that I only want sunshine and roses falling out of everyone’s butt in my regard. But to know that those around me and the things I put my energy into are worth it and reciprocated. My cup will be required to be fuller than it has been in the last 5 years. Still working out how one fills it but I’m learning, slowly but surely.

Here’s to us! Yes, us! Because I really want you to be living in your truth and doing that whole best life thing, too. If you are, or need support to get there, let me know! We all need a sounding board and a strong circle. Let’s work it out this year!

 

-Lily

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The way some people begxpect (beg expect) stranger’s to buy them things…

And I specifically mean those folks who refuse to work consistently, or trying to live off the vibes of the universe, but out here asking for things people with jobs haven’t even bought themselves. “To continue my life journey as a pencil crafter for blind, differently jointed, Nepali kids, I need luxe makeup, Damier Ebene, and a boom crane”

Just no. Then proceed to try and guilt others for not participating. @scottyottyotty said it best

It 100% takes away from people who really are in need. Why? Because often times the “luxe bums” are so loud and entitled to the point that they single-handedly desensitize others to the real need. Why? Because the rest of us are now aware of the potential scam.  A $700 phone bill due to just being piss poor at money management? Personal problem. That could be remedied with a budget. Wanting the new Fenty line?? WHO DOESN’T?! Also, a personal problem. Needing necessities like a warm coat, medicine, rent (and not because you spent yours on a two day trip to Miami, mid and fashion Nova clothes), gas money to get to work? Understandable and those needs should be heard and taken care of. “ I deserve nice things even if I can’t afford them” so do we all. To that end, STFU and save for it if you can and try to catch a sale– like the rest of us.

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